With the magazine version of House of Hell behind me, and the book version ahead of me, I thought it would be nice to take a bit of a detour and try out The Port of Peril. One of the bad things about blogging so much is that my leisure time is kind of dictated by my blogging schedule: it's hard to justify playing a new gamebook when I'm supposed to be playing and writing about the old ones. So I took this opportunity to work it into the schedule for a quick one-off: after all, it's been a damn long time since Ian Livingstone wrote a new book set in Allansia, and that's definitely something worth making room in my schedule for.
My first impression of the book left me - how shall I say this diplomatically? - unimpressed. The cover is alright, and I like the shiny gold spine, but the quality of the interior leaves a lot to be desired. The new publishers of the series, Scholastic, are using a new style of illustration, supposedly one that's more in tune with the kids of today. Well, I ain't no kid of today, and the washed out, second-generation photocopy look of the new books doesn't cut it for me, no sir. My car gets forty rods to the hogshead and that's the way I likes it!
The interiors aren't helped by the terribly cheap paper quality, and the weird smudging and ink blotches that permeate the thing. I think they were going for a treasure map aesthetic, but it's so unattractive that I was convinced that my book was some sort of misprint. But nope, apparently they're all like that.
But really, the illustrations and the cover and the paper quality are all sideshows for the main event. Let's delve into this sucker and see what me old mate Ian Livingstone's cooked up this time.
INTRODUCTION
The book begins with a pretty lengthy infodump about Chalice (which I think is new info, but I'm not sure). It's to this town that the hero, your standard FF gold-hungry treasure-seeker arrives, having spent a month in the Pagan Plains seeking the legendary treasure of Throm the barbarian. (Which begs the question, just what was Throm doing in Deathtrap Dungeon if he already had a legendary treasure?)
After some time sleeping in alleyways, scrounging for food and doing odd jobs, the hero comes across two buffoons arguing over a treasure map. They discard the map as useless, but the hero picks it up and sees that it leads to a cave in the Moonstone Hills, where there might just be a treasure chest waiting. There was also a note by a Murgat Shurr, with some instructions about finding the chest. It's time to head out into the wilderness, but first the hero needs to find some food and shelter...
RULES
It's the standard FF Skill/Stamina/Luck triad, with no weird additions to the rules. I rolled Skill 12, Stamina 22 and Luck 7, which could be either great or terrible. It's difficult to know without prior experience of the adventure. Still, you can't scoff at a Skill of 12, especially in a Livingstone joint.
My starting gear was a sword, leather armour, a shield, a backpack, ten provisions and the usual choice of one of three potions. I went with the Potion of Fortune, to offset my terrible Luck score.
(At this point I'll note that the rules are at the back of the book, which I disapprove of, for no other reason than that it's different than the way it used to be.)
THE ADVENTURE
After a night spent sleeping on some old flour sacks, I went over my gear. Not only did I have the stuff outline above, but I was also in possession of the following knick-knacks: a ball of twine, a candle, a small brass bell, an oil lantern, a knife, a piece of chalk, a brass owl, a length of rope, a bag of copper nails, an animal-skin water flask, and a goblet bearing a unicorn motif. (I had to laugh at this bit. By filling your inventory so early, I feel like Ian Livingstone has just out-Livingstoned himself. It's like a mad work of self-parody.)
After a quick bit of bin-diving for a tomato sandwich (and the bizarre restoration of 1 Stamina point that I had no way of previously losing), I saw a middle-aged man sweeping the town square with a broom. I approached the man, and traded him my copper nails for some bread and honey which I ate with gusto (restoring yet more Stamina that I could never have lost). At that point the man offered to trade me some snake oil (supposedly protection against snake bites) for a ball of twine, which I did instantly. It was only afterwards that I realised that I may have been had by a genuine snake-oil salesman, but then again this could just be a Livingstone double-bluff. That oil could be the genuine article, who knows?
After that the man tried to trade me some skunk oil for my brass owl, and that's where I tapped out. There's only so long that I can be taken for a ride, and it was time to get away from this guy and get to adventuring.
There were three paths leading away from the market square, and I chose to go west down Silver Street. I soon came to a jeweller's shop, and ducked inside. The jeweller offered to buy any treasure I might have, but as I had nothing I excused myself and left. (I could have sold him a "gold rabbit charm", which I suspect I might have obtained had I kept trading items to the snake-oil salesman.)
Silver Street ended at a T-junction, where a rag-and-bone man was riding past in a horse-drawn cart. I hailed him, and he offered to give me a ride to the main gate for a copper piece. As much as I was eager to get the hell out of Chalice (and I mean me, the author of the blog), I decided that I should keep exploring, and walked back to the market square to head north down Armoury Lane. (Besides, I didn't have any money.)
Along Armoury Lane I found Cy's, the local armoury run by a friendly cyclops. Cy was renowned for his magnificent swords, but when I asked him about buying one he told me that it would be a three year wait. I didn't have that sort of time, nor did I have the money to buy the Demon Dagger that he offered me. The thought of killing Cy and taking his stuff crossed my mind, but I quickly dismissed it, and left the shop to continue along Armoury Lane.
At the end of the lane I came to a timber yard. I spoke to the owner, and was offered 2 gold pieces to help Olaff - an Ogre - load some wooden beams. Being short of cash I took the job, which proved somewhat exhausting (reducing my Stamina to 21). To top it off, the owner and his Ogre friend tried to get away with not paying me. In return, I paid them in the currency of cold, hard steel, by killing the Ogre. The Ogre had an iron key and 5 copper pieces, which I pocketed. The owner tried to appease me by giving me another 10 coppers, and 3 gold pieces. It worked (although it wouldn't have if I'd been given the choice of murdering the sod).
I walked back to the square and down Beggar's Lane, which - surprise - was full of beggars. I flipped 3 coppers to some beggars before heading for the far end of the alley. (I had the option here of asking about a "Gurnard Jaggle", but I didn't take it because I had absolutely no idea what this was in reference to.)
Near the end of the alley I passed by a gloomy-looking house with a barrel by the front door. I knocked on the door, which was answered by a large bald man who proceeded to club me over the head with a chair leg (reducing my Stamina to 19). I decided against further investigating, and made my way to the end of the alley. (I kind of love how this guy just answers the door with chair leg in hand.)
The alley connected to Lion Street, where there were some houses, some shops, and a large mansion protected by a wall. I considered climbing the wall, but it was much too tall, and I didn't want to trouble the nearby bakers to give me a boost. Instead I took a closer look at the houses, and (after a failed Luck test that reduced my score to 6) I was struck on the head by a chamber pot hurled from a window above (leaving me with a Stamina of 17).
Examining the various shops on Lion Street, I entered a locksmith's, where the proprietor sold me a bunch of random keys for 1 gold piece. If this was real life I'd be pretty sure that I'd been ripped off, but in Fighting Fantasy, you take whatever keys you find, regardless of implausibility.
With that done, it was finally time to head for the main gates and leave Chalice. After walking through a cornfield and getting a look at Darkwood Forest far to the north, I turned east to head for Skull Crag in the Moonstone Hills. The sound of galloping hooves and a hunting horn put me on alert, but I decided to stand my ground and meet their owner. A black-robed horseman thundered down the track towards me, and I was forced to leap aside (which I did with a successful Luck test). I took the opportunity to steal some corn (restoring my Stamina to 18) before moving on.
It was getting dark, so I decided to hole up in a ruined cottage. Rather than exercise any form of caution, I barged through the front door and interrupted a pair of Man-Orcs in the middle of their rat dinner. They both attacked, but I killed them in short order. Their loot was mostly worthless: a copper piece, seven teeth, a silver button, a glass eye, an arrowhead, and three polished stones. I took them all. The cottage also contained some large jars of various substances, but I could only fit one in my pack, so I took the jar of sheep eyeballs.
There was also a trapdoor that was bolted shut. I opened it up and was assaulted by the stench of rotted meat, and the sound of dragging feet. That there was a Zombie, but I was not deterred from descending the rickety stairs. When I was about halfway down, a hand grabbed my ankle from the shadows, and (due to a failed Luck test) the Zombie bit through my boot. I wasn't killed, but the virus transmitted through its saliva turned me into a Zombie before the end of the day. My adventure, such as it was, was over.
SOME NOT-YET-FINAL THOUGHTS
Well, I only have myself to blame for that death. I shouldn't have been poking around in a Zombie-infested basement, and I certainly shouldn't have been going down their with a Luck score of 5. I had the Potion of Fortune, and that was the time to use it.
To be honest, though, I really just wanted the adventure to be over, because I wasn't enjoying it. I was all set for an Allansian adventure by legend-of-my-childhood Ian Livingstone, but I wasn't feeling this one. For whatever reason, the old magic wasn't there.
It started with inconsistencies right off the bat. Why am I scrounging for food at the start of the adventure? I have a backpack full of provisions, and am no more or less well-equipped than any other Fighting Fantasy adventurer. Why is there a Stamina gain in the opening paragraph? Why didn't my starting equipment list all of those little knicky-knacks I was loaded down with? None of these are important from a gameplay perspective, and they're not deal-breakers, but the little details are nevertheless important. They also play into the slow start of the book. If I'm fully equipped, why am I pissing around in Chalice doing odd jobs? There's a treasure map to follow! I suspect that the quest for the treasure is a preamble to whatever the main quest ends up being, but man, you don't need a preamble for the preamble. I really wanted to get out of Chalice and get on with it.
The writing itself was a let-down as well. I've read a ton of the man's work, but the prose didn't feel like Ian's at all. Perhaps his writing style has evolved over the years, but I'd expect at least some level of familiarity. It felt very dumbed down, to be honest, with inane conversations and phrases that are really out of place in a medieval fantasy setting (breakfast of champions?).
Now I'm going to get really nit-picky, because there were a couple of touches that pulled me out due to inconsistency with earlier books. The first was the presence of copper pieces, which have never been commonplace in any Allansian-set book I've ever read (and are a needless complication, really). The second was the zombie virus, which I'm going to give the benefit of the doubt and say that it's tied into the main plot. Even if it is, it's just disappointingly derivative. I would have thought Ian would've gotten that stuff out his system in his last book.
Gah, I sound like such a negative prick. I hate to come down on the book so hard, but I honestly found it to be meandering and tedious. I'm sure it picks up later on, once the main plot gets going. This isn't a review of the book, as I haven't experienced enough of it to give an informed opinion. It's more of a first impression. That first impression was a negative one, but I'm more than willing to be swayed once I give the book its proper due. At my current rate, that should be some time in 2041...
NEXT: It's back to modern-day Earth, for the book version of House of Hell. I promise to be more positive about that one.
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